Where I Am

Ok so I know that I have been sucking up this blog thing lately. Oops. I really do wish I was motivated again to do it. I still go through the day thinking about what I could write about I just don't seem to end the night with any excitement to write anything. I have some pictures of things that I am sure I will write about later, like; different paths we take, protection we have with the Lord, the armor we are given, and the wounds that look like they will never heal. I just don't feel God moving through me in those topics right now. It is like I am on a low right now but yet am not. I am still enjoying what I am doing, loving Omaha, and seeing and worshiping my God everyday. I am just stuck. It is like writers block, but not really because I am not a writer plus I have ideas of where I want to take the ideas. Ha, wow, failure equals me. :)

I am leaving for my dad's this weekend and then the Friday after I am leaving with the family I am working for to go on a family vacation to Wisconsin. I am excited but nervous. I have no idea what to expect but I am ready to do it. Please keep me and my next two weeks full of traveling in your prayers. Ok that is all for this great post, ha. Thanks

Exhaustion

Ok so I have not posted for quite some time which is very unusual for me. I have been just super tired when I have got done with the boys or when I got back to the house that I have not been getting on. It was a super long, hard week and I am so excited tomorrow is my day off. Monday I watched the boys all day. Literally I got them out of bed and changed them, fed them breakfast lunch and supper, and put them to bed for the night. I was so tired. Then Tuesday I got a little break when I went to go watch Kylie's slow pitch softball game with Carissa, Morgan, and Chrissy. It was really fun and realizing just to get out of the house. I had the scare of my life though and thought I lost my iPod because of playing the stupid elbow game. Thank you Chrissy for making me lay down. :) Then yesterday I was super tired and the boys were terrible and today was just terrible. The boys had just a really bad week in general. I don't think I can count the amount of times I was hit, bit, or kicked, the hours that were just wasted from them screaming at the top of their lungs, or my most hated; the amount of times I was told that I was hated and they wanted me to leave. Those hurt worse than any physical stuff I went through for sure.
As to the seeing God in all of this don't worry I have some pictures of things that I found a message in but I am way to tired to get to that so I will post those stories and pictures later. :)

Prayer Request
-That I stay strong and continue to seek God in all my situations.
-That the boys start to behave
-That I may be blessed with energy
-That somehow I show love and wisdom to the kids and the family

Fitting the Mold

So today was not so great. I woke up late and ran up stairs to grab Eli out of bed before I even had time to brush my teeth. Ben was in a bad mood and Eli was screaming more than usual at the things that he usually doesn't scream at, like me taking him out of his crib and changing him. Sam was also around today and he was having a bad day also so he was not listening at all. All together it was not good. Of course there were some good things. Like Eli hugging me, going down town with the boys, feeding the ducks and the fish, and Ben falling asleep so I had an hour of free time. But by far the best part of the day was being able to drive to Chrissy's apartment that is 10 minutes away and hanging out with her and having some good fellowship time. God blesses me so much with the people He places in my life. But because today with the boys was not good I have yesterday to talk about since I was not able to get online.

Yesterday was really good with the boys. I am suppose to have Friday's off but Sam had a field and track day at the school so Tami and Dale wanted to attend that so they did. I got to wake up at 8:27 then shower, due my hair and makeup, and chill downstairs by myself until 10:30 when I went upstairs to join everyone. I was so nice. The boys were being good and I took them downstairs to play some dodge ball with me. It was so cute and they loved it, plus we didn't break anything, so yah yah. Then Tami came down and payed me and told me she was leaving. It was the weirdest thing. I felt like I was being payed for playing with my little bothers everyday. So that was totally sweet and I hope that feeling stays.

So here is where my God lesson that I learned for the day comes in. We were playing dodge ball and basketball and really anything that had to do with balls and a basket, and Eli got in the basket. Then Ben got in the basket. Then both got in the basket and I took the cutest picture ever.

So obviously the lesson is not about how amazing I am at capturing cute moments. It is about how there is a "Christian Mold" and "Bubble" that has formed and that I think is ridiculous. That many of us do not, cannot, and never will fit into. Kind of like how they did not fit into this basket and how I did not even come close to fitting into it when I tried. :)

The "Christian Mold"
-That we are suppose to be perfect.
*Never swearing
*Virgins
*Not Judgemental (probably one of Christians biggest struggles I feel)
*Love our enemies
*Never struggle
* etc... I could go on and on but I think you got the unrealistic point.

The "Christian Bubble"
-Fellowship
*Surround ourselves with Christians
*Stay in an uplifting environment
*Talk solely about the Lord
*Pray before or after everything
* etc...

Welp, How well are you doing? I think that as lovers of God we should not sit and try to fit into the mold. We should stand out. God made us unique, all with different gifts for a reason. We need to take a stand and jump out of our basket. God is not going to force us to do anything, it is all in our own time. But how long are you willing to wait? How long are you willing to try to fit into something so impossible? You have the choice and you have the gifts!
Strive to be perfect, but do not hate yourself or think of yourself as a failure when you slip. Do not judge others by what they do, that is God's job and no one else. (You may dislike their actions but you have no right to judge them as a person.) Love your enemies, but know that sometimes it takes time and forgiveness. Share your struggles, it makes you stronger and others are struggling right with you in something. Do not think others have no struggles, for they are just as imperfect as you.
Have fellowship with other Christians. They share the greatest thing of all with you, a heart for the Lord. But do not put yourself into a place where they are the only people you go to. Yes having that environment with people that have a heart for the Lord is encouraging, but you also need to spread that love to the world and you cannot do that if you do not leave that crowd once in a while. Talk about struggles, the latest fashions, who won what game, and what you did all week. God loves to hear your stories and excitements too. Yes he might of been there with you through them but He knows that communication with people is important. And well the prayer thing is a great idea when you are with your Christian groups but can be a bad thing if you are with a group of people that you are trying to show the love of Jesus. It can overwhelm them and make them step away. I would ask first if it is ok before you just jump into it. If they are comfortable they well let you know.

Ok ok, that might of been rambling a little but that is what I am going to work on doing. I am going to not get sucked into just trying to fit into the mold and forgetting the special gifts the Lord has given me. I am going to go out of my Christian group and maintain the friendships I have already formed and make new ones I can reach out to. I am going to open up about my struggles more and not be scared to fall. I am going to see my imperfections and I am going to strive daily to improve them for the Lord.
Show your gifts and take a leap of faith out of that stupid basket. Trust me people look ridiculous trying to fit into the basket. :)

Praise the Lord.
He made us unique.

Strength

So as the week drags on I am constantly reminded that I am not use to this at all. I am extremely tired. I am longing to sleep in longer than 7:17 a.m., I pray that Eli would have a good day were he doesn't bite, hit, or scream at me, and I keep hoping for good weather. But with all or these things I still am loving what I am doing. I thank God daily for this opportunity and these live I can invest in.

Tomorrow is suppose to be my day off but I am going to help out for a couple of hours. Which is not a big deal at all. I am super excited for tomorrow though. I get to sleep in until I am thinking 8, I get to see Kylie, I get to go to Converge to worship my loving Father, and the weather is suppose to be nice. It should be perfection, minus the I have no idea what Eli is going to be like tomorrow.

So today me and Ben went down to the basement to play while Eli was napping. We got out some random toys and then I started making him hats. Blue and green of course, he will constantly let you know that he hates red and yellow if you try to give him that. Then the hats turned into arm (he says wrist) bands. So of course I made me some and put my sleeves over them and lets just say it looked like I went to the gym everyday and worked on my arms for hours (which is probably so true ;) yah right). then he wanted to show me how big his muscles were.

Anyway all of this got me thinking about Gods strength and my strength I have in the Lord.

Psalm 27:1

The LORD is my light and my salvation;

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the strength of my life;

of whom shall I be afraid?

When we accept the Jesus as our Savior and the Holy Spirit enters our bodies, really what shall we fear. Or of what strength do we not possess. God gave us all of this. With Him we have all the strength of the world and with Him we are under Him protection forever. I have been saved, wiped clean of my wrongs, and now all I have left to do is glorify Him with every breath I breathe. No evil spirit can take me, no depression can beat me, and no tiredness can make me fall. I am all God's and I will not let the world and it's evils win.

So I can make it though each day, tired or not. I can learn something new about my Savior. And I will not fall for the Lord is where I draw my strength from.

Praise the Lord.

He is our Strength.

Optimus Prime

Ok so today started out really early especially after my long, amazing night last night full of first. Anyway today started at 7 am and I am just coming down to the basement (my living area). We took Ben and Eli to the mall today to play in the play area. It was good. While Tami shopped we walked around and went and played more. I had another first today also. We ran into Carissa there (and people say Omaha is big... ha), so she got to meet the two boys and they loved it. They showed off and Ben told everyone about it all day.

The boys are pretty good. Ben listens to me very well until his mom or dad walks into the room. It is kind of flustering but pretty good since I usually take him by myself anyway. Eli is a bit of a challenge. He loves flying and high fives but he loves to get what he wants. He is not much of a talker and more of the screaming "NO" kind of kid. Today was good though he is pretty good too unless the parents walk in. I think it is so funny how many kids are like that. I have a cousin who is extremely naughty. He cusses, screams, kicks, hits, etc. I think the whole world was scared of how he was going to be in kindergarten. Well he ended up being one of the best in the class. He came home with stars everyday and was very respectful and helpful. He loves school. And he acts that way for me too. Maybe it is just me. ;)

Anyway I was actually going to talk a little about what God laid on my heart today and not just what me and the boys did today. Today me and Ben went to the basement to play so Eli wouldn't be disturbed during nap time. We decided to play trucks so I got out my Optimus Prime toy and wouldn't you know Ben has a Optimus Prime too. His is much bigger and harder to put together but it was totally sweet. So we played with them and I jokingly text Morgan with this picture and titled it, "A man after my own heart." It was a joke of course but isn't he the cutest thing, plus he likes Optimus. Anyway, so I was contemplating this basically the rest of the day and a lot of things came up. Yes I am hoping to find a future husband and from that come a family but then I was thinking about everything that I desired in a future man. Yes I have things that are for sure needed in my husband like a christian leader that is able to support me and the family (I am not just talking financially).

But God laid something completely opposite from all of this on my heart. Like I said before "A man after my own heart." Well really, I believe, hoping for the above and knowing that God has big plans in store for me, with that subject, when He feels right. But God really convicted me about the second part of that saying. "After my own heart" God is really the only person I can see this ever making since about. Oh, how He is so persistent and loving. He knows what is best for me and blesses me beyond belief. God is for sure the man after my heart and I absolutely love that. I may be moody back to Him or not receive His love at times but He is constantly fighting for me. He is the love of my life and I have no right to ask for more. Oh how He has captured my heart and possessed my body with His love.

God really cannot ever seem to stop amazing me and teaching me new things about Him and His love. Wow I love Him so much.

Praise God.

He is the Lover of all.

(Oh I wish I could put into words how I am actually feeling right now but I can't. God is Love. Even as I reread my words I realize they give nothing I am feeling right now justice.)

Simply In Awe

So today was the first day of the first week of the first time I have been a nanny. Yes today there was a lot of first. Like the first time I was left alone with Ben and Eli and the first time I had to shut of the alarm system in the house and use my garage code. The first time I went to Carissa's house. The first time I saw her and Karisa outside of school semesters. The first time I took the wrong turn like 6 times in Omaha. The first time I accidentally found a Hooters. The first time this summer I went shopping and spent way to much. And last but not least it was the first time I got to see a skinned human body.

Ok so the last thing might sounds weird that I am actually pumped about that but it was so amazing. God is so great. As you are walking through the exhibit and reading the facts and looking at all the different parts that make up a human body I have no idea how you could go in there and not see that there is a God, a Maker bigger than all of this, that there is a Savior that redeems us, and there is a Father that loves us so much that He pieced us together so perfectly. When I took my physiology class (that I failed miserable) and my anatomy class, I sat in that class in awe, a lot of the time, about how beyond amazing God is. Really there is so much detail and concentration put into a human body and the way it works. That is why I always loved science, because God put so much detail into us that I could never understand it and could constantly learn more. And even though God has changed my heart about science and what I want to do with my future I still have a deep love for it and for the human body. God is so great and WE were his best creation. We are so loved and we are so wonderfully made.

PRAISE GOD!
HE IS GOOD!

Oh Ben!

So today started off kind of slow. I went to bed at like 10 (I know very unusual for me) and I completely passed out. I woke up at 8 to get ready for the day and went and got Eli out of bed and dressed him. Man that kid is crazy. He still gives me the strangest look every time I walk into a room and he throws the biggest tantrums ever...ha. He is still pretty confused on why I am living in the basement I am sure. We all got dressed and then had a mother's day breakfast. I will usually have all day Friday and all day Sunday usually off but since I just got here I wanted to interact with the kids a little bit. They need to know I care.
Anyway so it was cold and windy out so we were super bored. I watched Ben play some games and then watched some veggie tales. After the failure of that being exciting we geared up and headed outside for the rest of the day. Me and Ben rock at baseball. He is actually very impressive for a 4 year old. Oh I am already starting to love the kid. You can just see joy in his eyes. And when he hits a ball or does something ridiculous and we laugh I can totally see God. The neighbor kids were out playing too so we played some basketball and played on the play-set, played football (which I think we quit mainly cause I had a better throw than Dale, the dad... ha), then we hit up some soccer with one of the neighbor boys. Man I am out of shape, and minus all the advantages they had on me they did really good. I was exhausted. I think that might be my common state this whole summer. A constant on the go all day and then will want to pass out by 8 p.m.
All together though it was a great day. There was some ups and downs for sure but that is everyday life and I am still excited about were God led me this summer. He is so good.

Prayer request:
That God constantly lefts my spirits and lets me realize the little things through the day. That God helps me impact the lives of the kids and family. And that God fills me with energy throughout the day.

Thanks friends.

p.s.
Had Chipotle for the first time tonight. It is pretty legit. :)

Summer

Ok so now I can actually say that I feel like my summer has officially started today. Today was so crazy. I left Wayne at 10 a.m. and headed to Elkhorn to move in with the family I am nannying for this summer. It was so crazy. I was not nervous at all before today. Then today as I am getting into my Jeep and on the ride up here I was like, "Wow, I am actually doing this! What am I thinking?" Ha. I was put all of my typical things I would do for the summer aside and started my next 3 months at a place I am clueless about. Wow crazy.

But man isn't God so good? Really beyond the blessing of him giving me this job He completely blessed me with everything I could ever imagine, with it. The parents are laid back, flexible, and nice. The kids are crazy, cute, and already totally adore me (lets see how long that last.. ha). My room is big enough to fit all of my belongings plus. The bathroom is nice and basically all mine and so is the basement really. I get to have my peace or have time with the family whenever I want. How cool is that?

This summer is going to be totally amazing. Along with everything above I get to go to the zoo, swimming, kids museum, parks, basically anywhere for kids and I am so pumped up about it. I love kid stuff. Really I am just a huge kid with a massive heart for the Lord. :)

I'll try my hardest to keep this updated with all the activities I get to do this summer with the boys and probably get some pictures involved. They are so cute I will have to do that.

God Bless!

Blessings

God is a constant lover, provider, and forgiver. I am so amazed with Him every single day. I am sitting in complete awe right now from the glory of God this year, and really every year of my life. He is a constant, unchanging God and I absolutely love it.

I have been beyond blessed lately and I can not praise my God enough for that. Seriously! With all the things and hardships I had to conquer and face first semester they now seem like nothing to me because I have been so blessed beyond belief through them. I am just going to take some time and acknowledge God's blessings, some of the ones I have realized so far through this year. When is a better time to reflect than the end of a hard, great year, and the beginning of a new chapter?

Blessings

I made it another year through school. Though I might of not made it on the Deans List like last year or the fact that I actually failed a class this semester. I can not feel more blessed about making it through the year safe and healthy with a chance to be educated. A very common thing it seems to us but something that many people do not get to experience.

The roommate that He has blessed me with these last two years of school. Seriously, I am so thankful for Sarah Jackson. Having a roommate that you are able to talk to, love, and share Jesus with is so amazing. Yes we had our hard times but everyone does. She has shown me love in so many situations that I know had to be hard too, and she constantly amazed me as a person. She really did change me life in so many ways. I could never thank God enough for putting her in my life and I am going to miss her so much. It is totally not going to be the same without her next year.

For Sarah Naeve, my mentor, that I was matched with at the end of first semester. She has been a constant blessing. And God placed her in my life at the perfect time. She has shown me love in so many things. She has shown me wisdom of the Lord and how to have so much faith. I feel completely at ease with her and I could not ask for a better person for God to make a leader in my life. She is so understanding and is not judgmental of me. A true blessing in a hard time that completely grew.

For my summer nanny job. I am so excited and I know that God is at the center of it all. It is such a blessing to get a job of something I actually want to invest time in. He has constantly provided opportunities through it and my location and I could not be more thankful. I am also so thankful for the calmness He has blessed me with through all of these things. Most people, I think, would be nervous about moving away from home, not knowing the people I am living with, and having a completely different environment than I am use too, but I am just in complete awe of His blessings and so excited to start this new journey.

For Journey Christian Church. It is a constant blessing to have a place to go every Sunday in Wayne that you can feel Gods presence. They are so positive about the Lords love and it is and was completely inspiring having that environment possible every week. I can not thank God enough and I am so excited to see how God uses me there after blessing me with a position on the college group leadership team. What a great blessing it all has been.

And of course one of the greatest things of my life, my friends. I have been blessed so much by God with my friends. It is so inspiring to have a great group of friends that love me. I am pretty sure God has blessed me in this area far more than I have or will ever deserve. I thank him for all the friends I have been able to maintain through the years that constantly inspire me and all the new friends of this year. It would of not be the same person without you and you all have made a huge impact on my life in some significant way. Never think you haven't. You are all a straight blessing for our great God and I love him so much for putting you all in my life.

I swear I am the most blessed person in the world. I could keep going and thank God for putting every single person in my life but I leave it just as a general thanks. I can do the individual stuff during so quiet time. :)

Thank you all for inspiring me to grow in my faith this year and thank you so much for sticking with me even through the hard times. God is so good! Never forget that.

I love you all.

The Little-Big Things

So I have been thinking a lot about the little things in life. The joys that God can give you with the smallest things really make life worth while. Like a random letter, e-mail, text, or phone call from a friend, to just hear a friend tell you they love you. Or a hug when you are having a hard day. But I dislike the fact that the littlest things that happen can rip your heart out the most. Like, lying to you, not sticking up for you, or ignoring you in hard times. The littlest things can become the most loving or most hurtful thing in the world. Friends seem to be the ones that God uses to do these things the most and I love and hate that.

Friends are really one of the most important things to me. With out them my life, life would be so hard. God places them in your lives to build us up as a person and to help us learn lessons. I love that. Recently I have been struggling with some stuff going on with friendship. It is so hard for me to sit and watch my friends hurt themselves or watch them slowly hurt me. But really what am I suppose to do. I have no right to tell them what to do. The only one that can change their heart is God. So all I can do is pray (By saying, "all I can do" I in no way mean that it is not something huge. Prayer is so powerful). I can pray that God leads them out of their struggles. Pray that God heals my heart from the hurt they are causing me. And pray that I can constantly forgive them over and over again. I don't want to be a half friend. I want to continue to be the friends that remains the same. A friend that is known to be loving, forgiving, and always understanding. Yes I do fail at this often but I strive everyday to make it show in my life.

Remember when you do the little things, give God the glory:
God has blessed me so much and I could never repay Him and I don't think that God ever wants me to sit here and think of ways to repay Him. I need to focus however on the little things I can do not to repay him but to bring Him glory. I know that when I do something for the ones I love I do not want anything back. I am satisfied with doing things for people and thanking God for giving me the opportunity to be able to do that for them. I wish that I could do things anonymously but somehow someone always seems to find out. But even when they do find out I need to remember to not soak up that praise but send it right back out to my Father.

Conclusion:
Use the gifts God gives you to build people up and to make their day. Do little things for people but never for your own glory. However watch the little things that you do because if hurtful they can really hurt someone more than you ever thought. But most importantly do little things in the world that will move God's heart. His heart is the one that matters most. Move this world with all the love that God gives you.