Shining Through

So I have been extremely blessed this past month beyond belief. I have made one of my best friends in the world and I constantly thank God so much for her. As much as I know I have been there for her, the same if not more, I know she has been here for me. She constantly challenges me to be a stronger Christian. Even before she was a Christian she made me want to grow in my faith. And now that I can confidently say that she is going to be in Heaven with me, I am equally challenged by her. She makes me want to show people love like Jesus would and be there for them even when it looks hopeless. The way she has turned her life around constantly encourages me with the fact that with God all things are possible and all people can be changed with the love of God. It just baffles me, every time, with how fast you can love someone and never want anything bad to ever happen to them. And when something bad happens or they are upset you hurt and become emotional for them and their pain.

Well she has been gone for fall break now for 5 days and I have hated not being able to see her like I usually could. Skype just isn't the same as having her here. I was super nervous about her going home, because of all the temptations that would be around her. But of course my doubt was uncalled for as usual. She totally conquered it all and was on such a God high that she couldn't help but smile which equally made it impossible for me not to smile. Seeing my friends consumed with the love of Jesus is just something that never gets old to me.

After a couple good days there is always a fall right? So it came hard core for me today and wouldn't you know for her also. I have been having trouble with a class and after receiving an e-mail this morning it started my day off sucky. Then I went to Sioux City with my sister to shop and pick up another friend and me and Ash fought the whole way there. With her saying some things that were very hurtful and upsetting. On the way home me and my friend talked and it was good but with the talk I realized some points in my life where I was failing and that I missed the date yesterday of when my friend died a year ago. And through all of this I knew my other friend was having a bad day also and that I could not be there for her. With all of this going through my mind I started falling and falling fast. I have not been at that place for a long time and now again I remember how much I hate it.

I am good now but I hate that I just get that way. And most of all I hate that I couldn't be there for my friend today. She was having a terrible day and I was hours away. I hate that feeling most of all. The one were I feel completely helpless. I already felt like a failure and then I felt like I was failing as this friendship today. All I could do from hours away was pray and send her bible verses and I know that in some instances that just doesn't help them feel as good as having someone physically there for them.

Well I don't know were this post was going but here is where I have been today and where I have disappeared the last month. It has been one of the greatest months of my life and every single day I thank God for it. Through the sorrows and pain of life I know God will shine through.

‎"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." -Lamentations 3:22

Praise the God!

He is Compassionate.

Overwhelmed

I seriously can not explain the way I have felt the last week. It is a mix between complete exhaustion and utter happiness. The things God has shown me has left me absolutely speechless. I love how He can take the struggles that I have been having since I moved back to Wayne and shatter them on the ground. Yes, occasionally I will still see the struggles come at me face to face but the battle sword of God is drawn and I am now ready and strong enough to fight it again.

This last week I have been beyond blessed. There is just no other way I can think to phrase that. I have met beyond amazing people and I have been in complete amazement at how the Lord is using me, (if at all) I guess I like to think He is in this area anyway. :) He has put these amazing people in my life and every single day I am being challenged. Challenged to love more, be more understanding, and never lose hope that the things that seem impossible can happen. These people consume my mind in prayer. I pray that I can be of any help to them, that they can see the joy I have with the Lord, and that they themselves will understand how that joy can become possible to them as much as it is to me. They are more than worth it and they are beyond wanted by Jesus. That no matter where they are in their life they can come as they are and be redeemed by the blood of Jesus and the love that God shows and showed us, day to day.

As to the it being so exhausting, here are some of the reasons: I am working crazy hours. I have worked the last 2 weekends until 2a.m. and then work every Monday until 2a.m and of course have to work this weekend also. So with those hours I am so tired. Plus then of course those nights I am not working I am still up until at least 2 spending time investing in my friends lives or trying extremely hard to catch up on homework and next day test. And among the physical exhaustion there is the complete mental drainage. I am constantly pouring myself out and being more vulnerable than I think I have ever been in my life and it is absolutely killing me. To the point that I can not help but break down, be emotional, and crying. I have been pushed to the limits in so many areas that I have come to a spot were all I can do is rely solely on God (which is great but can be hard). I know that I am going to be alright and this exhaustion will seize to consume my life but until then I am just going to keep praying, day in and day out for someone to come into my life to fill me, for strength and energy, and most importantly for faith that it is all going to glorify God in the end.

Praise the Lord!

He is a challenging God.

Junior Year

Wow it as been a long time.
This year has been really crazy. Already have been facing some ups and downs. And I think I have been more emotional this year than I have ever been in my complete life. I seriously have about broke down in tears many times already this year. That there is just really hard for me to even think about. I guess you would have to know me somewhat to know that.
Anyway, through all of this and the very hard challenges and trials that I have been having to face daily, I still see God more glorious than ever. I am striving to remain faithful to Him everyday, and in the return, to that attitude, I think it helps my mindset to see Him also remain faithful to me. Yes I wish it would just be easy and I would know what I needed to do but if this is the way it has to be I am going to find God through it.
I just need to focus my attention on the positive things that are going on and happening daily. Like college group for example. I am so pumped up about that. It is going to completely rock my world this year.

Praise God.
He is Faithful!

Grace

Ok so I am doing pretty well. The same as I have been I guess, have my ups and downs, fails and wins.

This Thursday I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Wayne and stay the night with Kayla. Before me and Kayla met up I got to meet up with Sarah (my mentor) and watch the end of the swim meet. It was so great seeing her. Honestly it is so weird we can talk about nothing serious and just joke around the whole time and I feel so encourages and uplifted when I leave her. I absolutely love that and totally made me a little more excited about going back to Wayne, which I am having a hard time accepting. Then I got to see Laura G. who I haven't talk to in forever so that was great. Then it was off to Kayla's. It was great we just sat around all night and chatted. The usual and it was so good. I need some just sit around time I feel like I fly through every week never taking a breath. Then Friday afternoon Becca and Tia came over and we grilled out. It was really good and we had some legit convo's which are always my favorite. :) But there are 2 convo's that really stick out and one is when Kayla talked about how Christianity is the only faith that has grace, then Becca mentioned how we as Christians receive so much grace, that we could never understand, but yet we are probably the section of the population that offers the least amount of grace. Uhh, I totally agree with this and I hate that. Doesn't that just make you want to do something or at least make you stop and think.
The weirdest thing is just going on in my life and I can not get away from the subject of grace (which I think is great). At Converge we are going through Galatians and the Gospel. Everything and every subject we go through comes back to grace. Grace saved/saves us. And through my life I am just seeing this more and more. I would not be where I am today without this beautiful gift. I honestly think this is what I, along with everyone, needs to work on. We are to strive to be like Jesus and He was full of it. Why is this concept so hard for me to grasp and so hard for me to show. Yes I am not perfect, and I know this, but I could be better and working on showing grace to everyone I encounter is a great way to improve myself. We can reach so many people if we show grace the way Jesus did and God blessed us with. As children of God why wouldn't we do this. I challenge you to consider this. Work on how you show grace to people and I will try to as well.

Praise the Lord.

God made grace.

Joy

So here is a little update on my life this past week.

This week from what I can remember has been great. Some stressful and exhausting moments mixed in there with the children but for the most part absolutely great. I think I am just going to go through all the days that have had amazing ups and downs, a little backtracking.

June 30th- I met up with a girl (Kaylin) that contacted me through facebook. It was absolutely amazing. We went on a long walk and got to know each other. Something we have been trying to do all summer.

July 2nd- Was just a mainly terrible day. The one I am pretty sure some blog points came from. But it was also a great day because I got to hang out with some friends that I dearly love and enjoy being with.

July 3rd- I met up with Kaylin, surprisingly, again and we went to the movies. She is great and it was kind of our farewell before she left for California for a month.

July 4th- Was kind of hard. The forth is kind of a family holiday so not having one close or really even available (they all had other plans) at the time kind of sucked. I didn't want to sit at the house I lived at but had nothing to do. So I ended up waking up after telling myself I wasn't going to, and got up and went to church. Which was great as usual. Then went shopping for a little bit and went back to the house and did random things until I went to Morgan's later. Having her so conveniently placed close to me has been a true blessing this summer.

July 6th- Was all three of the boy's birthday parties. I was so nervous and stressed about everything. I had to try to keep them distracted and out of everything until 5 and then had to stay and watch them all night. It was just absolutely insane, but no one got hurt so praise the Lord.

July 8th- We took the boys to Pizza Machine, and OML was it not a good idea. Sam had 4 hours of sleep with him, Ben is always a struggle but was the best of all three, and Eli was to small for everything and on top of that not feeling the best. I don't think I was ever as flustered about Sam as I was all Thursday. It started out bad with him and ended bad with him. For sure he is one of the hardest parts of the job.

July 9th- Was good. I traveled down to Lincoln and met up with my sister and Lindsey. Ashley and I got tattoo's and I love mine. It was kind of a stressful day for Ashley but it was great seeing her. It had been a long time. Then I got back to Omaha and went out to eat with Chrissy and Morgan. After that we went to Converge and it was absolutely amazing. The message was all about being freed and the grace of God. So inspiring.

July 10th- The day was pretty good with the boys and the night was great. Me and Tyler went to a wedding of some of his old college friends. I met some new people and had a great time. I laughed and danced the night away.

July 11th- So amazing. Church was absolutely amazing. We talk about the warfare that we face that is not of this world and how God's name is power and nothing can shake it. Then came back to the house and worked on another one of my devotions for College Group. Working on them just totally motivates me with doing more things. Then I met up with Brittney and Linsey for the first time this summer. I so did not realize how much I missed them. They are so great and can make me laugh for hours. I randomly decided tonight that I think I am going to start a Bible study next year. I wasn't even considering it and then it just hit me. And also I was informed that Eli now knows how to crawl out of his crib. Which might be the worst news I have ever received in my life. Ok obviously a little dramatic there but honestly that is terrible news. Now absolutely everything changes, for real. :S I am honestly very worried about this. Like I don't even know what to do. Maybe prayer for me to calm down about this would be nice. :)

Ok so that is my life the last week and a half. But to wrap it up I would just like to say that through it all the good is what is sticking out and I feel so blessed.

Praise the Lord.

He is the God who brings joy.

Helplessness

Ok so I have acknowledged another one of my 2 billion struggles in life today. I am reading a book, "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, and honestly not loving it right now but I am pretty sure it is, now, to the kick off point, it just took a while to get there. But anyway as I look back to the past stuff I have read I am beginning to appreciate it a little more. I didn't really apply it the way that he was discussing in the book or even to the same topic but it helped me focus my mind on this new discovered struggle. So as the book was talking about things that can block your mind about the Holy Spirit or struggles that you are facing with living complete lives with the Holy Spirit as your guide, I was upset. I thought that I honestly wasn't seeing any of the topics discussed play out in my life and that I truly and completely wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit and go as He led. But through all of this I come to discover my block from my complete submission to the Spirit.
It is not that I want to be in complete control of my life, because trust me I totally do not. Sometimes (most of the times) I wish God would just take away my free will so I would always please Him and live undoubtedly for Him. It is the fact that I feel helpless, and not like I am the one in need of being helped. It is the helplessness that I feel because I can't and don't know what I can do for my friends and family and on occasion myself.
I don't even know how to help a friends. I never know what to say. I don't know how to bring up my favorite topic, the Holy Spirit, in conversations. I don't know where the Holy Spirit is leading me. I don't know how to do anything.
Did you notice all the "I's" above. God is the only one that knows how to do all the above. God is the only one that knows where to take and lead me. All I can do is sit and pray about it, and if the Holy Spirit does direct me somewhere in life or in a conversations, to go with it no matter what. Only through God are things possible.
So there I got the thing down. Yah don't think so! Even though all the above I believe as truth I do not have it down. Here is where I struggle. I know that I am helpless and that everything in my life has to be done through God but honestly that makes me kind of mad sometimes. I want to feel important and like I did something for someone. Man I sound so selfish, but I am being honest. I want to be able to know that I did something right or made a difference in someones life. I want God to be the one that did it through me and yes I want Him to get the glory but I want God to slap me in the face or something and tell me it worked out and through Him I did something good. I want to know that God used me somehow. I want to know that I can do more than just sit and pray. That I can reach people and help in some way.
I don't want to feel like a helpless person.
I want to feel like an instrument of God's.

God is Healer.

Praise the Lord.

Fraternal Twins

Ok so the last post was so random and really didn't not make any sense to what I was actually really getting at. Well kind of but not. So after reading it again I am going to clarify:

1) I absolutely love listening to my friends. It is one of my favorite things in the world. I love when a friend will come to me and talk. It is like I actually matter for that second in someone else's life. I seriously don't know what I would do if my friends didn't come to me to talk.

2) Me not being able to talk to someone is totally my fault. It is not because of the lack of friends I have, or the fact that they won't listen. I know that most of my friends would love to listen just as much as I love listening to them. I have great friends and I honestly couldn't ask for more.

3) I am going to be ok. God always pulls me through and makes me learn and grow so much from my random moments.


Ok so for a new post all together.

So I have been going through this situation basically since the summer started. It has been completely uplifting, challenging, heart breaking, ridiculous, etc... So a brief about the situation. There is this person that totally reminds me of another person that I feel I failed in my life with. So because of this I think I am totally drawn to talk to them. Because with talking to them I am reminded of someone that I miss and failed at being a friend to. Everything about them really reminds me of the other. It is so weird. I honestly think that God did this on purpose. It is like my second chance. It is so amazing and I thank God so much for it. But at the same time I keep getting thrown back down about it all. I think I am failing all over again and I hate it. I don't know what to do to make it right and I think soon it is going to be too late. So basically I feel like I am losing the same person twice. I know I should stay positive and not give up but it is so hard. I am really trying everything I can think of. I even opened up a little to see if that would help. But to the point, I am really just going to ask for, all of you that reads this, prayers. The power of prayer is strong and I would love some on this subject. Just the strength to stay positive and to keep trying with the little time left, and also just for the other person as they are going to be going through some very hard stuff very soon.

Thank you all so much. God bless.

Praise the Lord.

God is persistent!

The Perfect Attach

Yep so read through this blog and it makes no sense so feel free to not read it. I am going to post it though because it has been a while. Ha.

So I probably haven't been very good at updating anyone with my life lately. I am not just talking about through this blog but in life completely. I mean I guess that is kind of how I have always been. I am the listener. The person that is there when needed. I never have good advice but I never turn my ears away from someone hurting. So with this personality I have made myself to fit it. I don't tell what is bothering me and I don't open up about anything that is not surfacey, I need to be there for them. So as I have been having a great/bad last couple weeks I have been just dying to talk about it.

To the good: I am in love with the Lord and I can not stop thinking about Him. Yes I know people know this about me but I have just been in complete awe lately. I am doing a one year reading plan through the Bible and I am now in like Exodus 20. It is going great and even with the fact that I have known these stories since infancy I am still totally in awe of what God has done through people and through even me. He is so powerful. Then there is the whole doing my devotions for the Journey College Group that is totally challenging me to go out of my comfort zone. Then of course there is Converge an amazing young adult group that meets on Friday nights and the great church services on Sunday. And last but totally not least is the amazing friends I have that are so encouraging. So with all of this you can probably see that I should be beyond great. Which I am most of the time.

However last night something happened. I had an amazing day. I still woke up early to Ben knocking on my door at 7:30 to come out and play. It was my day off so I didn't get out of bed and felt kind of bad about it actually because he even said please a whole bunch of times, which never happens. But I remained in my room because I had a lot to do before noon. So I then got a call from my dad which was super awkward. We talked about his Will and what I was going to receive if he died. Um pretty sure that is not a conversation that I wanted to have right after I woke up or really ever. So after that I got ready, ate breakfast and had some free times so I did my first Journey College Group devotion. Oh I was freaking out about it. I read that passage like a month ago and have been thinking about it ever since. It took me two hours to do and I was still freaking out about it so I sent it to Justin to read over and check. Then after that I met up with Tyler and his friend Ella and we went to drive around North Omaha. I have had a desire to go there because of the motivation I get after seeing God's people suffer. So that was great and then we went to Hubble Park (I think that is what it is called) and drove around. It was so sweet. Not going to get into all of that. Then there was a great supper with them and Kylie and Kate, prayer we had before Converge to pray over everything to come, and an amazing message at Converge. When that was all over we went with a lot of people to this beautiful house by Gretna that was beyond amazing. They had a huge outdoor pool and an amazing view you couldn't help but be in awe of everything God has blessed the family with and the awe of the stars and nature all around. My day was beyond amazing. But then something happened.

To the title: I am in an absolutely amazing mood. I have had a great day of getting into God's Word and a great day of fellowship. But it is like nothing can keep me happy. Throughout the whole day I was actually feeling weird, I was having the devil feed me lies, and I was believing them. As I am sitting and enjoying myself in God's presence I also have a heart hurting and a mind going crazy. And it is all about the stuff talked about above. It is about the not opening up to people and not knowing how or if I even can. I have a hunger to talk to someone and I know my friends would be there but I don't know how to address it. I don't know how to go up to someone and say, "So the devil is attaching me, even though I my look great, and I am lost. I am learning so much right now about God and the Holy Spirit but yet I feel empty. I can literally fill the Holy Spirit at times but yet I have no idea what He wants me to do. Prayer about brings me into tears lately but I can't even talk to a friend." You can't just go say that to someone. Ha. Anyway this blog is long enough. I'll let you know where this goes later. :)

Faithful Provider

So it has been a while and I honestly have know idea what I have been up to. Really this whole last week has been a blur. But I'll attempt to update you with what I can. The boys from what I can remember where good. Wednesday was kind of crazy Eli had to to go the hospital because we thought he broke his arm. Oh man I was the only one here and I felt so bad. But all is good and he just did something to his elbow so he was unable to move it until the doctors did something. Then Thursday was suppose to be my first day all alone with all of the boys but the flu has went through the house and Tami and Sam had ended up with it Thursday so she took off of work. So I took Eli and Ben to the park all morning and then made lunch and put Eli to bed and took Ben the the swimming pool all afternoon. It was so much fun. We just played in the pool all afternoon and I got extremely sunburned. Then Friday was my day off but I worked all afternoon but when I left at 6 I ended up having a great day. Went and ate with Tyler, went to Converge (heard an amazing testimony), then me and Tyler went to Papillion Days watched fireworks, ate a monarch wing, walked around, and ran into some people from Converge. It was really something I needed. God is just the constant provider of all I need.

As to the title. I am doing a reading plan for the Bible and I just finished Genesis. It was great and though I have read most of it before it was absolutely amazing. I have realized that it was just full of God's promises and God's never failing, always faithful answer to them. He had promised to make Abraham's ancestors into many nations and after year of him waiting that is just what He did. He promised Joseph protection and wealth and God provided. Everything the Lord promised was in no way fabricated. He was a faithful provider in everything He had promised. Oh how God just amazes me. And the power He has is just astounding. Oh the fear of God I think was just so much more understood back then. We should fear our great God that has the power to give and take what He sees fit.

I Took A 360

So I am back in Nebraska, and oh how I thank God.

So here is how I took a 360 (yes I know you usually would say 180).

So I started this summer out on a high. I was loving everything. I had amazing friends, a new environment to explore, and most of all I could not stop feeling and seeing God work in my life. Oh man, it was amazing.


Then these last couple weeks hit and I was having to do more searching and work to feel and see God, I was not able to see my friends for a while, and the environment I was tired from or sick of it changing. Let me explain these a little more. I had over a two week span where I was unable to see or even really granted the option to talk to my friends. It started when I left for Kansas which was good and then got back to Omaha and got super sick for the whole week. I finally felt better on Friday but Friday I had to wake up at 5 a.m. and prepare for the family vacation that I went on with the family I am nannying for. I was excited and nervous for it as I have mentioned in other post. We were suppose to leave Friday and be back Wednesday evening. Well we ended up leaving Friday and getting back Friday late afternoon, and I was in a bad mood. Ha. I was extremely tired from the week and I really was struggling with the not having any Christian fellowship for over two weeks. I missed having people that I could actually talk to, people that didn't tell me they hated me, and people that didn't bite and hit me. I wanted a day where I got to sleep in past 6:30 and a day were I got to choose what I did for the day. It was so challenging.


But here I am now. Back to my start. Back to my joy. They might be different reasons but I am feeling and seeing God again, I am enjoying the boys again, and I am just simply happy. I don't know what gave me this change but I am 100% sure that my loving Father planned it. I honestly think it is a lot of things that have been happening that have changed this. The fact that I have started a bible reading plan so I have an actual assignment I have to read everyday and can't skip, that I decided to look back at these last couple weeks, or that I could not stop smiling today and seeing God in everything even if Eli threw up on me. The Wisconsin trip was amazing now that I look back on it. The boys, I feel, are starting to like and trust me more and it was all a new experience for me, my friends are still amazing and I am so glad I have been blessed with them in my life, and God is sill the same as he has always been, I just opened my eyes and heart again.

God is really so great. I love Him. He is just constantly blessing me and showing me new things even if it takes me a couple weeks to see it. I need to stop being selfish and see this continuously.


Praise God!
He is constant!

Wisconsin Here I Come

So I have been doing pretty good. Minus my crazy illness that I have come down with (literally I sometimes can't get up.) But anyway that might come up later. The boys were so good on Monday. I had left last Thursday night and didn't come back until Sunday night so they had some time without me. It was crazy I really kind of missed it here in Omaha and with them. Which I really have no idea why sometimes. So they had a long break from me and I got back and got to hear stories about how they asked about me everyday and how Ben would run down to my room and see if I was there. Which was really nice hearing that because he is the (about) four year old that calls me a stupid a** and says he hates me and wants me gone 24-7. So to hear that was really encouraging. So Monday was good we played outside all day long, literally, me and Ben went inside for lunch and that is it. The rest of the afternoon we were in the water and lets just say that I got majorly burnt. Oh well though, a little suffering for fun and good kids is ok. Then came today and yesterday which wasn't so good. The weather wasn't the greatest and they are use to me again so all is back to normal.
But Friday we leave early in the morning for Wisconsin. I am super excited but super nervous at the same time. I am so excited to actually leave the states of Nebraska or north Kansas. I never really went on vacation as a kid because of family stuff so this whole thing is all new to me. I have no idea what to expect, which is kind of exciting. However, I am nervous because I have a very long car ride with the boys that hate me and a long week in the same close area as them. At the house they kind of get a break from me because I am down stairs and they can't see me. Plus, I am nervous it might be awkward. I will be meeting Dale's family and just being there with them in general makes me nervous. But I am going to remain positive. Really I have met all of Tami's family. It is going to be ok. :)
Ok so this weird sickness, it progressed all through the day from about passing out that morning to last night. I think I was close to death last night, but my faithful and loving Father pulled me through it after making me cry and suffer for long enough. I seriously have never hurt so bad in my life, it was a burden to breath and that is no fun. At one in the morning I about called it quits and went up to wake Tami and Dale. It is so strange my whole body goes weak and my thoracic and cervical vertebra and chest feel tight but swollen at the same time so every breath was bringing me to tears. And if you know me at all it takes a lot for that to happen, ha. But I finally fell asleep and woke up when I broke my fever. I felt much better, by that I mean I could breath, I now just had a stomach ache which I would much rather have. So I am hoping the worst of this is over, I have had random trouble today but for the most part really good in the breathing area. Please just pray that I heal because it would not be fun going through that ever again in my life, especially in Wisconsin.

I well give update when we get back. And maybe I'll get back in my routine of writing what God has been teaching me again. :)

God Bless!

Where I Am

Ok so I know that I have been sucking up this blog thing lately. Oops. I really do wish I was motivated again to do it. I still go through the day thinking about what I could write about I just don't seem to end the night with any excitement to write anything. I have some pictures of things that I am sure I will write about later, like; different paths we take, protection we have with the Lord, the armor we are given, and the wounds that look like they will never heal. I just don't feel God moving through me in those topics right now. It is like I am on a low right now but yet am not. I am still enjoying what I am doing, loving Omaha, and seeing and worshiping my God everyday. I am just stuck. It is like writers block, but not really because I am not a writer plus I have ideas of where I want to take the ideas. Ha, wow, failure equals me. :)

I am leaving for my dad's this weekend and then the Friday after I am leaving with the family I am working for to go on a family vacation to Wisconsin. I am excited but nervous. I have no idea what to expect but I am ready to do it. Please keep me and my next two weeks full of traveling in your prayers. Ok that is all for this great post, ha. Thanks

Exhaustion

Ok so I have not posted for quite some time which is very unusual for me. I have been just super tired when I have got done with the boys or when I got back to the house that I have not been getting on. It was a super long, hard week and I am so excited tomorrow is my day off. Monday I watched the boys all day. Literally I got them out of bed and changed them, fed them breakfast lunch and supper, and put them to bed for the night. I was so tired. Then Tuesday I got a little break when I went to go watch Kylie's slow pitch softball game with Carissa, Morgan, and Chrissy. It was really fun and realizing just to get out of the house. I had the scare of my life though and thought I lost my iPod because of playing the stupid elbow game. Thank you Chrissy for making me lay down. :) Then yesterday I was super tired and the boys were terrible and today was just terrible. The boys had just a really bad week in general. I don't think I can count the amount of times I was hit, bit, or kicked, the hours that were just wasted from them screaming at the top of their lungs, or my most hated; the amount of times I was told that I was hated and they wanted me to leave. Those hurt worse than any physical stuff I went through for sure.
As to the seeing God in all of this don't worry I have some pictures of things that I found a message in but I am way to tired to get to that so I will post those stories and pictures later. :)

Prayer Request
-That I stay strong and continue to seek God in all my situations.
-That the boys start to behave
-That I may be blessed with energy
-That somehow I show love and wisdom to the kids and the family

Fitting the Mold

So today was not so great. I woke up late and ran up stairs to grab Eli out of bed before I even had time to brush my teeth. Ben was in a bad mood and Eli was screaming more than usual at the things that he usually doesn't scream at, like me taking him out of his crib and changing him. Sam was also around today and he was having a bad day also so he was not listening at all. All together it was not good. Of course there were some good things. Like Eli hugging me, going down town with the boys, feeding the ducks and the fish, and Ben falling asleep so I had an hour of free time. But by far the best part of the day was being able to drive to Chrissy's apartment that is 10 minutes away and hanging out with her and having some good fellowship time. God blesses me so much with the people He places in my life. But because today with the boys was not good I have yesterday to talk about since I was not able to get online.

Yesterday was really good with the boys. I am suppose to have Friday's off but Sam had a field and track day at the school so Tami and Dale wanted to attend that so they did. I got to wake up at 8:27 then shower, due my hair and makeup, and chill downstairs by myself until 10:30 when I went upstairs to join everyone. I was so nice. The boys were being good and I took them downstairs to play some dodge ball with me. It was so cute and they loved it, plus we didn't break anything, so yah yah. Then Tami came down and payed me and told me she was leaving. It was the weirdest thing. I felt like I was being payed for playing with my little bothers everyday. So that was totally sweet and I hope that feeling stays.

So here is where my God lesson that I learned for the day comes in. We were playing dodge ball and basketball and really anything that had to do with balls and a basket, and Eli got in the basket. Then Ben got in the basket. Then both got in the basket and I took the cutest picture ever.

So obviously the lesson is not about how amazing I am at capturing cute moments. It is about how there is a "Christian Mold" and "Bubble" that has formed and that I think is ridiculous. That many of us do not, cannot, and never will fit into. Kind of like how they did not fit into this basket and how I did not even come close to fitting into it when I tried. :)

The "Christian Mold"
-That we are suppose to be perfect.
*Never swearing
*Virgins
*Not Judgemental (probably one of Christians biggest struggles I feel)
*Love our enemies
*Never struggle
* etc... I could go on and on but I think you got the unrealistic point.

The "Christian Bubble"
-Fellowship
*Surround ourselves with Christians
*Stay in an uplifting environment
*Talk solely about the Lord
*Pray before or after everything
* etc...

Welp, How well are you doing? I think that as lovers of God we should not sit and try to fit into the mold. We should stand out. God made us unique, all with different gifts for a reason. We need to take a stand and jump out of our basket. God is not going to force us to do anything, it is all in our own time. But how long are you willing to wait? How long are you willing to try to fit into something so impossible? You have the choice and you have the gifts!
Strive to be perfect, but do not hate yourself or think of yourself as a failure when you slip. Do not judge others by what they do, that is God's job and no one else. (You may dislike their actions but you have no right to judge them as a person.) Love your enemies, but know that sometimes it takes time and forgiveness. Share your struggles, it makes you stronger and others are struggling right with you in something. Do not think others have no struggles, for they are just as imperfect as you.
Have fellowship with other Christians. They share the greatest thing of all with you, a heart for the Lord. But do not put yourself into a place where they are the only people you go to. Yes having that environment with people that have a heart for the Lord is encouraging, but you also need to spread that love to the world and you cannot do that if you do not leave that crowd once in a while. Talk about struggles, the latest fashions, who won what game, and what you did all week. God loves to hear your stories and excitements too. Yes he might of been there with you through them but He knows that communication with people is important. And well the prayer thing is a great idea when you are with your Christian groups but can be a bad thing if you are with a group of people that you are trying to show the love of Jesus. It can overwhelm them and make them step away. I would ask first if it is ok before you just jump into it. If they are comfortable they well let you know.

Ok ok, that might of been rambling a little but that is what I am going to work on doing. I am going to not get sucked into just trying to fit into the mold and forgetting the special gifts the Lord has given me. I am going to go out of my Christian group and maintain the friendships I have already formed and make new ones I can reach out to. I am going to open up about my struggles more and not be scared to fall. I am going to see my imperfections and I am going to strive daily to improve them for the Lord.
Show your gifts and take a leap of faith out of that stupid basket. Trust me people look ridiculous trying to fit into the basket. :)

Praise the Lord.
He made us unique.

Strength

So as the week drags on I am constantly reminded that I am not use to this at all. I am extremely tired. I am longing to sleep in longer than 7:17 a.m., I pray that Eli would have a good day were he doesn't bite, hit, or scream at me, and I keep hoping for good weather. But with all or these things I still am loving what I am doing. I thank God daily for this opportunity and these live I can invest in.

Tomorrow is suppose to be my day off but I am going to help out for a couple of hours. Which is not a big deal at all. I am super excited for tomorrow though. I get to sleep in until I am thinking 8, I get to see Kylie, I get to go to Converge to worship my loving Father, and the weather is suppose to be nice. It should be perfection, minus the I have no idea what Eli is going to be like tomorrow.

So today me and Ben went down to the basement to play while Eli was napping. We got out some random toys and then I started making him hats. Blue and green of course, he will constantly let you know that he hates red and yellow if you try to give him that. Then the hats turned into arm (he says wrist) bands. So of course I made me some and put my sleeves over them and lets just say it looked like I went to the gym everyday and worked on my arms for hours (which is probably so true ;) yah right). then he wanted to show me how big his muscles were.

Anyway all of this got me thinking about Gods strength and my strength I have in the Lord.

Psalm 27:1

The LORD is my light and my salvation;

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the strength of my life;

of whom shall I be afraid?

When we accept the Jesus as our Savior and the Holy Spirit enters our bodies, really what shall we fear. Or of what strength do we not possess. God gave us all of this. With Him we have all the strength of the world and with Him we are under Him protection forever. I have been saved, wiped clean of my wrongs, and now all I have left to do is glorify Him with every breath I breathe. No evil spirit can take me, no depression can beat me, and no tiredness can make me fall. I am all God's and I will not let the world and it's evils win.

So I can make it though each day, tired or not. I can learn something new about my Savior. And I will not fall for the Lord is where I draw my strength from.

Praise the Lord.

He is our Strength.

Optimus Prime

Ok so today started out really early especially after my long, amazing night last night full of first. Anyway today started at 7 am and I am just coming down to the basement (my living area). We took Ben and Eli to the mall today to play in the play area. It was good. While Tami shopped we walked around and went and played more. I had another first today also. We ran into Carissa there (and people say Omaha is big... ha), so she got to meet the two boys and they loved it. They showed off and Ben told everyone about it all day.

The boys are pretty good. Ben listens to me very well until his mom or dad walks into the room. It is kind of flustering but pretty good since I usually take him by myself anyway. Eli is a bit of a challenge. He loves flying and high fives but he loves to get what he wants. He is not much of a talker and more of the screaming "NO" kind of kid. Today was good though he is pretty good too unless the parents walk in. I think it is so funny how many kids are like that. I have a cousin who is extremely naughty. He cusses, screams, kicks, hits, etc. I think the whole world was scared of how he was going to be in kindergarten. Well he ended up being one of the best in the class. He came home with stars everyday and was very respectful and helpful. He loves school. And he acts that way for me too. Maybe it is just me. ;)

Anyway I was actually going to talk a little about what God laid on my heart today and not just what me and the boys did today. Today me and Ben went to the basement to play so Eli wouldn't be disturbed during nap time. We decided to play trucks so I got out my Optimus Prime toy and wouldn't you know Ben has a Optimus Prime too. His is much bigger and harder to put together but it was totally sweet. So we played with them and I jokingly text Morgan with this picture and titled it, "A man after my own heart." It was a joke of course but isn't he the cutest thing, plus he likes Optimus. Anyway, so I was contemplating this basically the rest of the day and a lot of things came up. Yes I am hoping to find a future husband and from that come a family but then I was thinking about everything that I desired in a future man. Yes I have things that are for sure needed in my husband like a christian leader that is able to support me and the family (I am not just talking financially).

But God laid something completely opposite from all of this on my heart. Like I said before "A man after my own heart." Well really, I believe, hoping for the above and knowing that God has big plans in store for me, with that subject, when He feels right. But God really convicted me about the second part of that saying. "After my own heart" God is really the only person I can see this ever making since about. Oh, how He is so persistent and loving. He knows what is best for me and blesses me beyond belief. God is for sure the man after my heart and I absolutely love that. I may be moody back to Him or not receive His love at times but He is constantly fighting for me. He is the love of my life and I have no right to ask for more. Oh how He has captured my heart and possessed my body with His love.

God really cannot ever seem to stop amazing me and teaching me new things about Him and His love. Wow I love Him so much.

Praise God.

He is the Lover of all.

(Oh I wish I could put into words how I am actually feeling right now but I can't. God is Love. Even as I reread my words I realize they give nothing I am feeling right now justice.)

Simply In Awe

So today was the first day of the first week of the first time I have been a nanny. Yes today there was a lot of first. Like the first time I was left alone with Ben and Eli and the first time I had to shut of the alarm system in the house and use my garage code. The first time I went to Carissa's house. The first time I saw her and Karisa outside of school semesters. The first time I took the wrong turn like 6 times in Omaha. The first time I accidentally found a Hooters. The first time this summer I went shopping and spent way to much. And last but not least it was the first time I got to see a skinned human body.

Ok so the last thing might sounds weird that I am actually pumped about that but it was so amazing. God is so great. As you are walking through the exhibit and reading the facts and looking at all the different parts that make up a human body I have no idea how you could go in there and not see that there is a God, a Maker bigger than all of this, that there is a Savior that redeems us, and there is a Father that loves us so much that He pieced us together so perfectly. When I took my physiology class (that I failed miserable) and my anatomy class, I sat in that class in awe, a lot of the time, about how beyond amazing God is. Really there is so much detail and concentration put into a human body and the way it works. That is why I always loved science, because God put so much detail into us that I could never understand it and could constantly learn more. And even though God has changed my heart about science and what I want to do with my future I still have a deep love for it and for the human body. God is so great and WE were his best creation. We are so loved and we are so wonderfully made.

PRAISE GOD!
HE IS GOOD!

Oh Ben!

So today started off kind of slow. I went to bed at like 10 (I know very unusual for me) and I completely passed out. I woke up at 8 to get ready for the day and went and got Eli out of bed and dressed him. Man that kid is crazy. He still gives me the strangest look every time I walk into a room and he throws the biggest tantrums ever...ha. He is still pretty confused on why I am living in the basement I am sure. We all got dressed and then had a mother's day breakfast. I will usually have all day Friday and all day Sunday usually off but since I just got here I wanted to interact with the kids a little bit. They need to know I care.
Anyway so it was cold and windy out so we were super bored. I watched Ben play some games and then watched some veggie tales. After the failure of that being exciting we geared up and headed outside for the rest of the day. Me and Ben rock at baseball. He is actually very impressive for a 4 year old. Oh I am already starting to love the kid. You can just see joy in his eyes. And when he hits a ball or does something ridiculous and we laugh I can totally see God. The neighbor kids were out playing too so we played some basketball and played on the play-set, played football (which I think we quit mainly cause I had a better throw than Dale, the dad... ha), then we hit up some soccer with one of the neighbor boys. Man I am out of shape, and minus all the advantages they had on me they did really good. I was exhausted. I think that might be my common state this whole summer. A constant on the go all day and then will want to pass out by 8 p.m.
All together though it was a great day. There was some ups and downs for sure but that is everyday life and I am still excited about were God led me this summer. He is so good.

Prayer request:
That God constantly lefts my spirits and lets me realize the little things through the day. That God helps me impact the lives of the kids and family. And that God fills me with energy throughout the day.

Thanks friends.

p.s.
Had Chipotle for the first time tonight. It is pretty legit. :)

Summer

Ok so now I can actually say that I feel like my summer has officially started today. Today was so crazy. I left Wayne at 10 a.m. and headed to Elkhorn to move in with the family I am nannying for this summer. It was so crazy. I was not nervous at all before today. Then today as I am getting into my Jeep and on the ride up here I was like, "Wow, I am actually doing this! What am I thinking?" Ha. I was put all of my typical things I would do for the summer aside and started my next 3 months at a place I am clueless about. Wow crazy.

But man isn't God so good? Really beyond the blessing of him giving me this job He completely blessed me with everything I could ever imagine, with it. The parents are laid back, flexible, and nice. The kids are crazy, cute, and already totally adore me (lets see how long that last.. ha). My room is big enough to fit all of my belongings plus. The bathroom is nice and basically all mine and so is the basement really. I get to have my peace or have time with the family whenever I want. How cool is that?

This summer is going to be totally amazing. Along with everything above I get to go to the zoo, swimming, kids museum, parks, basically anywhere for kids and I am so pumped up about it. I love kid stuff. Really I am just a huge kid with a massive heart for the Lord. :)

I'll try my hardest to keep this updated with all the activities I get to do this summer with the boys and probably get some pictures involved. They are so cute I will have to do that.

God Bless!

Blessings

God is a constant lover, provider, and forgiver. I am so amazed with Him every single day. I am sitting in complete awe right now from the glory of God this year, and really every year of my life. He is a constant, unchanging God and I absolutely love it.

I have been beyond blessed lately and I can not praise my God enough for that. Seriously! With all the things and hardships I had to conquer and face first semester they now seem like nothing to me because I have been so blessed beyond belief through them. I am just going to take some time and acknowledge God's blessings, some of the ones I have realized so far through this year. When is a better time to reflect than the end of a hard, great year, and the beginning of a new chapter?

Blessings

I made it another year through school. Though I might of not made it on the Deans List like last year or the fact that I actually failed a class this semester. I can not feel more blessed about making it through the year safe and healthy with a chance to be educated. A very common thing it seems to us but something that many people do not get to experience.

The roommate that He has blessed me with these last two years of school. Seriously, I am so thankful for Sarah Jackson. Having a roommate that you are able to talk to, love, and share Jesus with is so amazing. Yes we had our hard times but everyone does. She has shown me love in so many situations that I know had to be hard too, and she constantly amazed me as a person. She really did change me life in so many ways. I could never thank God enough for putting her in my life and I am going to miss her so much. It is totally not going to be the same without her next year.

For Sarah Naeve, my mentor, that I was matched with at the end of first semester. She has been a constant blessing. And God placed her in my life at the perfect time. She has shown me love in so many things. She has shown me wisdom of the Lord and how to have so much faith. I feel completely at ease with her and I could not ask for a better person for God to make a leader in my life. She is so understanding and is not judgmental of me. A true blessing in a hard time that completely grew.

For my summer nanny job. I am so excited and I know that God is at the center of it all. It is such a blessing to get a job of something I actually want to invest time in. He has constantly provided opportunities through it and my location and I could not be more thankful. I am also so thankful for the calmness He has blessed me with through all of these things. Most people, I think, would be nervous about moving away from home, not knowing the people I am living with, and having a completely different environment than I am use too, but I am just in complete awe of His blessings and so excited to start this new journey.

For Journey Christian Church. It is a constant blessing to have a place to go every Sunday in Wayne that you can feel Gods presence. They are so positive about the Lords love and it is and was completely inspiring having that environment possible every week. I can not thank God enough and I am so excited to see how God uses me there after blessing me with a position on the college group leadership team. What a great blessing it all has been.

And of course one of the greatest things of my life, my friends. I have been blessed so much by God with my friends. It is so inspiring to have a great group of friends that love me. I am pretty sure God has blessed me in this area far more than I have or will ever deserve. I thank him for all the friends I have been able to maintain through the years that constantly inspire me and all the new friends of this year. It would of not be the same person without you and you all have made a huge impact on my life in some significant way. Never think you haven't. You are all a straight blessing for our great God and I love him so much for putting you all in my life.

I swear I am the most blessed person in the world. I could keep going and thank God for putting every single person in my life but I leave it just as a general thanks. I can do the individual stuff during so quiet time. :)

Thank you all for inspiring me to grow in my faith this year and thank you so much for sticking with me even through the hard times. God is so good! Never forget that.

I love you all.

The Little-Big Things

So I have been thinking a lot about the little things in life. The joys that God can give you with the smallest things really make life worth while. Like a random letter, e-mail, text, or phone call from a friend, to just hear a friend tell you they love you. Or a hug when you are having a hard day. But I dislike the fact that the littlest things that happen can rip your heart out the most. Like, lying to you, not sticking up for you, or ignoring you in hard times. The littlest things can become the most loving or most hurtful thing in the world. Friends seem to be the ones that God uses to do these things the most and I love and hate that.

Friends are really one of the most important things to me. With out them my life, life would be so hard. God places them in your lives to build us up as a person and to help us learn lessons. I love that. Recently I have been struggling with some stuff going on with friendship. It is so hard for me to sit and watch my friends hurt themselves or watch them slowly hurt me. But really what am I suppose to do. I have no right to tell them what to do. The only one that can change their heart is God. So all I can do is pray (By saying, "all I can do" I in no way mean that it is not something huge. Prayer is so powerful). I can pray that God leads them out of their struggles. Pray that God heals my heart from the hurt they are causing me. And pray that I can constantly forgive them over and over again. I don't want to be a half friend. I want to continue to be the friends that remains the same. A friend that is known to be loving, forgiving, and always understanding. Yes I do fail at this often but I strive everyday to make it show in my life.

Remember when you do the little things, give God the glory:
God has blessed me so much and I could never repay Him and I don't think that God ever wants me to sit here and think of ways to repay Him. I need to focus however on the little things I can do not to repay him but to bring Him glory. I know that when I do something for the ones I love I do not want anything back. I am satisfied with doing things for people and thanking God for giving me the opportunity to be able to do that for them. I wish that I could do things anonymously but somehow someone always seems to find out. But even when they do find out I need to remember to not soak up that praise but send it right back out to my Father.

Conclusion:
Use the gifts God gives you to build people up and to make their day. Do little things for people but never for your own glory. However watch the little things that you do because if hurtful they can really hurt someone more than you ever thought. But most importantly do little things in the world that will move God's heart. His heart is the one that matters most. Move this world with all the love that God gives you.

Forgetting Our God

So I believe that I am one to openly admit my mistakes when they come up. One thing that I feel I have been failing at lately is my constantly forgetfulness of God's beauty all around me. By this I do not mean just the beauty of nature. I think out of all things beautiful, that God made, this is the one thing that I notice the most. You could ask any of my friends and they would probably tell you that I love being out side more than anything. I will fail tests to just spend some time on a walk or laying in the Willow Bowl. The beauty of nature is hardly ever forgotten by me. I can look at pictures for hours if it is to cold to go outside. Yes I might be obsessive but God did make it so I have the right to sit in awe of His beauty. (OK so all of that was a side note, ha.)

The beauty that I often forget to thank God for is the beauty of the ones that mean the most to me. I see or think about my friends everyday and I seldom look at them with the eyes of God. This deeply troubles me. These people in my life mean the world to me and instead of thanking my Savior for putting them in my life and for making them the most beautiful creation in the world I push it aside and treat them like any other humankind would. I should make them feel constantly loved and like a child of God. Who am I to treat God's creation like nothing special?

God is beyond anything that we could ever imagine and His creation is so beautiful, yet we still forget our purpose in life. Our purpose to love his creation so deeply that He is moved. With all of these beautiful reminders around us like the sunsets, stars, people, etc... it should be so easy, but we still are taken away by things of this world. I hate that. I want to love with all of my heart, I want to move Gods heart, and I want to be a change in this world for God's glory.

Worry

Our God is a loving God. He constantly blesses us without us even deserving it. Who are we to throw our doubts and worries in God's face?

The bible constantly talks about how we should not worry about anything; our grades, the future, or our life. But yet I can make a pretty strong assumption that at some point we all have worried or stressed about something in our life that we shouldn't of had to worry about. Some people do this more than others but we all throw this back in God's face sometimes in our life.

I think that one of the keys to living a life full of joy, love, and passion is to not worry or stress about things, God already promises we will be fine.

Often I think and constantly hear, "Well I don't know where God is leading me.", "I don't know what God wants me to do.", "What if I make the wrong choice?". Does these questions really matter or even make sense? Where do we get the right to question if God is leading us?

God constantly blesses us. He is a God of love and compassion. He sent His beloved son to die for us. To die for us people that in no way deserved what he gave us. He gave us the chance to follow Him and forever live with Him in paradise. That is a loving Father.
So if God is constantly blessing us not matter what we do why are we taking so many years off of our lives by stressing. I strongly believe that God blesses us with every choice we make. Whatever decision we choose God is going to take it and bless us and the world with it. He is going to change your world for the best with His love and blessings. I think, as Christians, we think to much about what God is telling us to do. Honestly, God knows what we are already going to do and God already knows how He is going to bless us through that choice. Yet we sit here and worry about what He wants us to do!
Yes I am also a strong believer in prayer and the strength of prayer, but do not use that as your excuse to postpone doing something. Do not sit around and repeat those questions mentioned earlier, just waiting for God to speak to you. He wants us to go with our instinct make our choice and then make the best of what we choose. And make sure you make the best of your choice, because that is how God is going to take that and change the world through you.
Along with that I think that our instinct is usually the right choice, as a Christian, anyway. We are filled with the Holy Spirit and so that in itself alters us to make the right discussions. The Holy Spirit gives us our passion and desire to seek our God. The Holy Spirit knows what we need to do, and with it dwelling in our hearts we are going to know what to do.

So make a discussion with the choices you are given. Do not worry or stress about them and praise God for giving you the choices. And with whatever you choose go at it with all the passion that God has blessed you with. You can change the world from wherever you are and with whatever you do.

Conclusion:
Don't worry about making wrong choices, God is ready to bless you with whatever ones you choose.

Living the Right Life

It is about what you do, not what you don’t do. As we go through life we are constantly thinking about what we want to do with the time that God gives us in this world. We all want to impact the world, we want to make a difference, and we want to be the best person that we can be. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill if you ask me, yet we hope for it every day. That is why I am writing this. We CAN change the world and we can exceed those expectations that we build for ourselves.

As I sit and think about the times that I have been upset with myself, they really have no common ground on even influencing my life. I sit around and worry about the things that I am NOT doing to change the world. I should be more loving. I should not judge. I should not cuss. I should open my bible every day. I should go to a bible study once a week, and so on. See what I mean, it is all the things that I don’t do but think I should. I mean all those things are important but really in the big scheme of things do they really matter? What matters? Loving God is the only thing that comes to my mind.

What we should focus on is what we are doing to change the world. How do we spend our time? Are we waking up every morning with the intent of changing the world. Do we wake up every morning and praise God for allowing us to make it through the night breathing and for giving us the day that is ahead of us? Do we walk by people and smile and say, “hi” even if we do not know them or if we are even having a bad day? How many times do you go out of your way for someone when you are having a bad day? How many times do you go out of your way, even if it is your friend, if you are having a good day?

We cannot be the people that are focused on what we shouldn’t do in life. We cannot sit here and look at people and say, “Well I would never do that.” or “I can’t do that.”. Who care what they are doing. God will reach them and God will redeem them, in His time plan. Why do we put so much of our energy in what we can not do? Let’s take premarital sex for example. We spend so much of our time thinking about premarital sex or even, ‘how far is to far’. We try to figure out ways to teach safe sex and abstinence within our school systems, we argue about what the bible has to say about it, and we try to break the norm and wait until marriage. Why are we wasting all this energy? Yes I think it is important, and I think that we all should consider what we want to tell our significant other in the future when they ask, but I think there are other thing that we should focus more of our time on. Like why are there millions of people dying each year of starvation, AIDS, and other diseases? Why is there still slavery and sex trafficking in every country? Do you see what I mean yet? Why do we care about this stuff that is not doing anything to impact the world?

We sit in your Christian bubbles and I watch the world go around us and never try to step out. We don’t try to make a change, and we are scared to speak up. We don’t want to break the norm and possibly be judged. Well guess what, no matter which road you choose to take you are going to be judged. You are going to be judged for staying in that bubble and not making a difference in anyone’s life, or you are going to be judged for breaking the norm and changing the world. Anyone can fit in, but it takes a true person to stand out. It is your choice! You choose which way you want to be persecuted. But remember that no matter what you choose to do you are going to be hated, persecuted, and judged by the world (John 15:18-24). But the greatest part of that is that you are going to be judged by the world. It is the world that Jesus said over and over again to hate (1 John 2:15-17). It is the love and judgment of the Father that matters.

As a Christian the hardest thing for me to hear is other people saying that Christians are judgmental. I totally agree to a point. I think that there are a ton of people out there that totally do not get the love that God desires us to have for people, but I also think there are people out there that totally get that. There are those Christians that understand what Jesus did. They understand His heart for the poor, for the needy, and for the outcasts. I work everyday to try and show this in my life. Who cares where you came from, your family situation, your mistakes, or where you were emotionally when they meet you? You are a child of God and you deserve the love that He would give everyone. As Christians we need to get better at this. How can we change the world when the world sees us as the people that do not accept them for who they are.

Jesus laid down his life for us and all he asks us to do is live a life full of love and passion for Him and for the people of the world. Sounds so easy doesn’t it? I will be the first to confess that I in no way come close to living my life this way. I am often negative and I do not praise God for everything that he has given me. But I recognize my down falls and I try to improve myself with all that the Holy Spirit gives me. God gave us the Holy Spirit so that we would not be alone, so we would have his wisdom, and so we could fight the temptations of the world. He has equipped us with everything we need, in this life, to break the norm and change the world. It doesn’t matter where you are in life and it sure the heck doesn’t matter if you have everything put together. The only thing that matters is if you want to stand out, if you want to accept the Holy Spirit into your heart, and if you want to live a life that is not satisfying to the world but satisfying to God.

Once you are ready to take that step, of complete faith ,your life will change radically. You will lose the desire of the world and you will yearn to focus on the things of God’s heart. Once the Holy Spirit is within you, you will strive to please God with your actions. Yes, it is true; it is not about the works that you do in this world. It is by grace alone that you are saved, but trust me once you get a glimpse of understanding of what grace is and means there is no way that you will want to do anything other than good works. You will want to dive into the scripture, you will want to intently pray and communicate with your Father, and you will want to be in fellowship with other Christian believers.

God gave me a passion. I am sure all of us are passionate about something in our life; teaching children, helping the sick, feeding the starving, being there for the dying, and so on… It is our passion that the Holy Spirit feeds on. When I am working in the area of my passion that is when I feel the fullest and the closest to God. I have a burning passion in my heart to help the needy; to work with children and show them the love that God has for them, to be there for them when no one else can. Maybe because of a parent dying of AIDS, a parent not being stable enough to care for them, or even a parent that is to busy working that they don’t have as much time to invest in their lives. This is how I can change the world. I can be there for them. I can change the world through their lives and I can change the world through the live of my friends that I reach out to.

So basically to sum all of this up after my long rant, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD! You might only do small things and impact a few people but through that you are changing the world. Do not focus on the little things that you are not doing, but focus on the little things that you are doing. I have had people in my life that have completely changed me. And I know, as a living example of a changed person, that one person can change the world by changing the life of another. You might not get the credit you deserve and you may never make the headlines, but to someone you matter and to someone you changed their life. God loves those of us who are humble (1Peter 5:5-7). So go ahead, take a leap of faith, and slowly but surely you will change the world.

Written by Me
Inspired by Dr. Greene