Helplessness

Ok so I have acknowledged another one of my 2 billion struggles in life today. I am reading a book, "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, and honestly not loving it right now but I am pretty sure it is, now, to the kick off point, it just took a while to get there. But anyway as I look back to the past stuff I have read I am beginning to appreciate it a little more. I didn't really apply it the way that he was discussing in the book or even to the same topic but it helped me focus my mind on this new discovered struggle. So as the book was talking about things that can block your mind about the Holy Spirit or struggles that you are facing with living complete lives with the Holy Spirit as your guide, I was upset. I thought that I honestly wasn't seeing any of the topics discussed play out in my life and that I truly and completely wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit and go as He led. But through all of this I come to discover my block from my complete submission to the Spirit.
It is not that I want to be in complete control of my life, because trust me I totally do not. Sometimes (most of the times) I wish God would just take away my free will so I would always please Him and live undoubtedly for Him. It is the fact that I feel helpless, and not like I am the one in need of being helped. It is the helplessness that I feel because I can't and don't know what I can do for my friends and family and on occasion myself.
I don't even know how to help a friends. I never know what to say. I don't know how to bring up my favorite topic, the Holy Spirit, in conversations. I don't know where the Holy Spirit is leading me. I don't know how to do anything.
Did you notice all the "I's" above. God is the only one that knows how to do all the above. God is the only one that knows where to take and lead me. All I can do is sit and pray about it, and if the Holy Spirit does direct me somewhere in life or in a conversations, to go with it no matter what. Only through God are things possible.
So there I got the thing down. Yah don't think so! Even though all the above I believe as truth I do not have it down. Here is where I struggle. I know that I am helpless and that everything in my life has to be done through God but honestly that makes me kind of mad sometimes. I want to feel important and like I did something for someone. Man I sound so selfish, but I am being honest. I want to be able to know that I did something right or made a difference in someones life. I want God to be the one that did it through me and yes I want Him to get the glory but I want God to slap me in the face or something and tell me it worked out and through Him I did something good. I want to know that God used me somehow. I want to know that I can do more than just sit and pray. That I can reach people and help in some way.
I don't want to feel like a helpless person.
I want to feel like an instrument of God's.

God is Healer.

Praise the Lord.